Are you fed up yet? Are you sick and tired of being pushed around, cornered, and pummeled by lust? Maybe you want lust out of your life but aren’t sure how to get there. Sex has been compared to fire. Fire is good if it’s contained in a fireplace. But fire can be horrific if it’s out of control; like a wild forest fire, it can cause tremendous destruction. Sex is great and good in marriage, but outside of marriage it has many devastating consequences.
Samson was a character in the Bible many young boys aspire to be like—a strong, brave warrior. But underneath all that brawn was a serious problem. He was a he-man with a she weakness. Guys can work very hard to get bulging biceps and ripped abs but fail to put the same discipline and effort into overcoming sexual sin. And many Christian men may look strong externally but inside there is little power to resist the tidal wave of lust in our culture.
“Many Christian men may look strong externally but inside there is little power to resist the tidal wave of lust in our culture.”
I have been a Christian for twenty-one years now and have heard all the excuses guys make as to why they are not walking in purity. I have been in many men’s Bible studies and listened to the countless reasons they come up with. “It’s just too difficult” or “Every guy struggles, so it’s okay to struggle with it” or “I am addicted and can’t stop!” Many men in the church who are dealing with the issues of pornography, masturbation, and fornication typically have an attitude of apathy or shame. If you are yawning or chuckling when you “confess” that you looked at porn, then you are stuck way deeper than you think. Apathy is a scary place to be when dealing with lust. On the other hand, you also may feel deep condemnation over what you have looked at or done. And shame is what the devil loves to use to keep a Christian man useless to God. Shame is a tragic place to be when dealing with lust.
We need instead to get to a place of brokenness, hatred, and utter disdain toward our sin. Jesus paid the highest price when He died on a cross in our place, shedding His precious blood for all the times we have sinned and specifically lusted. Our love for Jesus Christ should be our main motivation to want to be pure.
“If you are yawning or chuckling when you ‘confess’ that you looked at porn, then you are stuck way deeper than you think.”
Blessed Are the Pure
Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). And the amazing thing is that when we start walking in purity, our relationship with God deepens. Then when we start to see sexual sin for what it really is (cesspool waste), we will start to see who God really is (infinite pleasure). David says of God, “In your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand there are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). God = True pleasure. Lust = Deceptive bondage. That’s what our hearts and minds need to come to grips with first.
If you are single, please do not wait until you’re married to start seriously dealing with your lust. If you do, you will pay dearly, possibly through divorce or an awful marriage. No wife who cares about her marriage will put up with her husband lusting in the dark. Your sex life will never be good or will possibly be non-existent if you don’t repent and beg for your wife’s forgiveness. Even more importantly, your day-to-day relationship with your spouse and God will shrivel away as sexual sin eats away at your soul.
“When we start to see sexual sin for what it really is (cesspool waste), we will start to see who God really is (infinite pleasure).”
If you’re married, it’s time to man up and start taking purity seriously for God’s glory as well as for your family’s honor. What kind of legacy do you want to leave for your kids and other men who knew you well? Do you really want to be remembered as the man who was found sneaking around at night viewing porn in the dark while his wife and kids slept peacefully?
I am a believer who struggled with lust habitually for some time. But by God’s grace, I persevered with biblical truths and had great accountability and have now been walking in freedom for over eleven years—praise God! I have discovered a proven, no-nonsense, biblical battle plan to fight and win! How badly do you want to be pure for God? What lengths are you willing to go to, by His grace, to walk in victory? There is hope for you because we serve the God of all hope. Don’t give up! Don’t ever give up!
My Personal Journey
Every guy’s story is different. One Christian friend was introduced to porn at an early age and it has affected him his whole life to this day. Maybe your struggle began more recently. Another individual I know has struggled with viewing porn while being married. My battle with lust was during my college years. At that time, the strongholds of lust began to form in my heart and take root. I felt trapped in a cycle of sin and would confess over and over again. My spiritual wheels were spinning in the mud and I seemed to be going nowhere. Tears of frustration were shed and many embarrassing confessions were made for a long period of time. As I spoke with so many other guys at church about this issue, I didn’t know if victory really was possible because everyone seemed to struggle as I did.
One night I dreamed I was in a dimly lit room surrounded by huge racks of porn magazines all around me. I felt an incredibly strong, evil desire to want to pick one up and lust. About thirty feet away I could see an open door with a bright light shining through and worship music faintly playing from that direction. I felt the war going on inside of my heart. The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak (Mark 14:38). I knew I needed to get to that door of freedom, but my legs felt like they were stuck in thick, wet cement. My flesh kept saying it’s impossible.
“I didn’t know if victory really was possible because everyone seemed to struggle as I did.”
Somehow, by the grace of God, I took my first step toward the door. It seemed like I had 100-pound ankle weights on each leg, it was so hard. The passions inside me were still raging to look back at the filthy magazines. But I kept my eye on that door and with each slow step the music grew a little louder. And with each step it got a little easier. The ankle weights no longer felt like 100 pounds but were 50 pounds, then 20 pounds, lightening with every step. Then a miracle happened. I walked through the door into the bright room of purity with loud worship music blaring. The door shut behind me and I woke up.
That was a real dream that the Lord gave me to encourage me in the midst of my struggles. And now it is a dream come true. The dream was not only for me but I believe for you as well. I have learned, after much failure and sin, how to defeat the beast of lust. There are six vital steps we must take through the power of the Holy Spirit to win the war on lust:
- Find an accountability warrior
- Kill compromise
- Believe your true identity
- Fight or flee temptation
- Love God passionately
- Persevere with the truth
Looking back, it’s been over ten years since I have viewed any porn and have been rescued out of the black hole of misery. Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty I’m free at last! These same steps that have brought me freedom will bring you freedom as well.
(Excerpted from Blessed Are the Pure: How to Conquer Sexual Sin and Live Victoriously.)